I was told today that "All pain in equal" today and I'm not really sure how I feel about that. This was said to me by a gentleman who lost his father and suffered depression because of the loss, rightly so, to my dear friend who's parents, who should be in jail, committed horrible acts of abuse to her for the duration of her life. If you want to know what her mother is like, read the book A Child Called "It" by Dave Pelzer and you see a mirror image. I'm neither kidding nor exaggerating. Her mother pulled a knife on 15 year old me in front of a cop. That is how crazy she actually is. The strength that my friend has for surviving the onslaught of abuse from this woman still amazes me. I am in awe of my friend. She managed to pull herself together, put herself through school and is well on her way to a PhD D. in a degree field I have no clue how to pronounce.
She was upset because she was going to be nice and visit her biological father over Christmas, but he did not want her to. Naturally, her feelings were hurt. She mentioned this on Facebook and that is when this dude popped up with his unwanted opinion. Granted, it was on a public forum and unwanted opinions are abundant, but what upset me the most was his blatant disregard to her feelings. He negated her feelings on the premise that her father was alive and his was not. It is devastating to lose a parent. If i lost my mother, I would not know what to do with myself, and I feel for the guy, I really do, but the loss of his father and the following depression because of that loss pales in comparison to the YEARS of abuse and torture and utter hell she suffered at the hands of her sadistic mother and sick father. At least this guy can take comfort in the fact that his father loved him. My friend can't even claim that. This guy insisted that his pain and my friend's pain are equal. I dropped the subject and told the guy that he was welcome to debate this with me through private message on Facebook and to take it off her page.
So here is the thorn in my side, how can you compare emotional pain like that? To me, the loss of a parent or loved one can't hold a candle to torture and abuse, especially, with those who were treated the way my friend was. How can some one simply say "just get over it" when the have no clue what the other person has to live with every day? Some pains run too deep to simply "let go". Pain is not the same. There is a spectrum. I think the problem is that most people can only comprehend the spectrum based on the worst pain they, themselves, have experienced (Thanks K!). Or maybe they don't want to try to comprehend a pain far greater then theirs. I don't know. I don't understand negating someone's experiences like that because you think the person is harping on negative events to gain attention. My friend is not an attention whore. Far from it.
So that is my rant for the day. The guy tried to throw religion into the discussion as well, but you know me, I ignored that part. I can't stomach any form of anything from a certain religion right now because they seem to think that December is an exclusive month for members of their faith.
M, I will say it again, you matter, you have value, and you are loved. Fuck all the naysayers.
She was upset because she was going to be nice and visit her biological father over Christmas, but he did not want her to. Naturally, her feelings were hurt. She mentioned this on Facebook and that is when this dude popped up with his unwanted opinion. Granted, it was on a public forum and unwanted opinions are abundant, but what upset me the most was his blatant disregard to her feelings. He negated her feelings on the premise that her father was alive and his was not. It is devastating to lose a parent. If i lost my mother, I would not know what to do with myself, and I feel for the guy, I really do, but the loss of his father and the following depression because of that loss pales in comparison to the YEARS of abuse and torture and utter hell she suffered at the hands of her sadistic mother and sick father. At least this guy can take comfort in the fact that his father loved him. My friend can't even claim that. This guy insisted that his pain and my friend's pain are equal. I dropped the subject and told the guy that he was welcome to debate this with me through private message on Facebook and to take it off her page.
So here is the thorn in my side, how can you compare emotional pain like that? To me, the loss of a parent or loved one can't hold a candle to torture and abuse, especially, with those who were treated the way my friend was. How can some one simply say "just get over it" when the have no clue what the other person has to live with every day? Some pains run too deep to simply "let go". Pain is not the same. There is a spectrum. I think the problem is that most people can only comprehend the spectrum based on the worst pain they, themselves, have experienced (Thanks K!). Or maybe they don't want to try to comprehend a pain far greater then theirs. I don't know. I don't understand negating someone's experiences like that because you think the person is harping on negative events to gain attention. My friend is not an attention whore. Far from it.
So that is my rant for the day. The guy tried to throw religion into the discussion as well, but you know me, I ignored that part. I can't stomach any form of anything from a certain religion right now because they seem to think that December is an exclusive month for members of their faith.
M, I will say it again, you matter, you have value, and you are loved. Fuck all the naysayers.
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