January- As with pretty much everyone, I made resolutions at the beginning of the year.
1. Loose weight
2. Go to the doctor office for a checkup
3. Get my depression under control.
It was a rough start to my year. Though I made those resolutions, I didn't know where to start. My depression took a really bad turn and I spent a few weeks in bed. It was rough. I had no energy and no will power to do anything. It wasn't until March that I began to pull out of the cycle. Husband celebrated his 30th birthday. It was rather odd to think that we are in that age bracket now. That is the cut off for maturity, in my opinion. You can do stupid crap in your twenties, but when you hit the thirty mark, it is time to grow up and get your shit together. There is not excuse to still act like a dumb ass. Husband's party was small and intimate. He just wanted hamburgers, hot dogs, and chocolate cake. That was easy. We nvited his family to my mother's home and had a small get together. It was nice.
I started walking in the nice weather and lost a good twenty pounds. That was exciting. Summer started to creep in and we spent more time out doors, hiking with the dogs and going on peaceful walks. Husband was working on losing weight as well. Things were going wonderfully. With the sun, comes the rain. Patches suffered a hip injury. We don't know what happened, We had him on rest. He was getting better. One day, he was coming back in the house and Abby jumped on his back on accident. He went down and started howling in pain. The vet still thought it was a hip injury. The one morning he lost the ability to use his hind legs and he completley incontinent. We called the vet and they told us to bring him in. He had a lower back injury and it was leaking spinal fluid. The fluid started to calcify which caused him to be paralized from the hips down. I knew on the way there. I just knew it was going to be bad and I had this feeling that the outcome was going to be bad. I was right. The vet took a look at his record and what was wrong. I could tell by the look on her face what she was going to say. Patches was a nine year old dog and there was a $5000 surgery that had a very slim chance of working with a very long recovery time, during which his quality of life would be incredibly poor. He would be in constant pain. If he were under five, I would have fought, but the vet was right, the humane thing to do would be to put him to sleep, and that is what we did. Signing that paperwork was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It was quick and quiet and he died in our arms with us telling him that we loved him. He was an abuse case that we fostered and adopted when he was just under a year old. He became my therapy dog and my best friend. I had to do right by him. I went through everything for the next few weeks wondering what we could have done differently, but there was nothing. I didn't want to be one of those owners that keep their animals in misery for months or years because they do not want to let go. It wouldn't have been fair. He was a husky mix, heavy on the husky, and if we had kept him, he would have been locked up all the time pooping and peeing all over himself and in pain. I could not do that to him. After everything he had done for me, I could not let him suffer. The staff at my vet, Pender in Fairfax, Va, was amazing. They did a wonderful job helping us and even sent us a sympathy card. We had Patches cremated and his ashes are sitting on my dresser in a beautiful wooden box.
So, after that happened, I fell of the grid for a while. I needed to mourn and I didn't want anyone in my bubble of misery. I'm thankful to my family and my two best friends, Springfield and Fayetteville, for giving me the space that I needed and being there when I needed it. The months that followed passed in a blurr. I wasn't until mid August that I started to see the light again. I picked up crocheting and knitting to keep me busy during the time I was mouring. I needed something that would help me forget and to keep me focused. I decided to make my first blanket for my friend who had a baby. My mother and her fiance, Liverpool, were getting married on September 1st, and needed help with the crafty stuff. So in the midst of a fog from the meds and pain from getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I went to help.The wedding was wonderful. It was full of friends, joy, and happiness. I'm very happy for my mom. Sir Step Dad is amazing. It is rather funny, it was the wedding that made me really get on the ball with my weight loss that I had been telling myself I needed to do. I was looking at the wedding photos and I looked like a happy heifer. Seriously. I was huge. It was then that I decided that I was tired of being the fat sister. Yeah. Enough was enough. I decided that I needed help so I joined a gym in October.
In the past I had problems with gyms. I hated the big gyms. I was told by a skinny bitch to get off the treadmill because she wanted to use it. She told me that I was too fat the be at the gym and to go back to my couch and junk food. Ever since then, I stayed away from them. I was loath to join another. But a friend of mine in Writer's Group, told me about a local gym called Elements. It was a women's only gym and catered to women of all shapes, sizes and ages. It was a smaller place. So I went and took the tour. I was hooked. So I joined and I'm glad I did. The people are really nice. The classes are amazing. I have a personal trainer that hold me accountable for my workouts. It is wonderful.
October brought another change for me. While the gym was a great move I the right direction, I needed to get a handle on my depression. I had not needed to be medicated since we adopted Patches. He was my therapy dog. Since he was gone, I knew it was going to be a really rough year. So I went to the doctor. I'm on meds for anxiety and insomnia. They are really rough, but hey, we are working on it. I also went to get a full psych evaluation to help with the diagnosis. It cracks me up that the meds I am taking are actually anti-psychotics. In the higher doses, they are used to treat schizophrenia. I find that funny. I also had a full health check and blood panel. I have slight cholesterol issues, but they are managable. My personal trainer is helping me with better diet choices and exercises that help with it. So, I'm on the road to getting healthy.
November was dedicated to one thing. NaNoWriMo. This is the second year that I actually stayed and completed it. I was early this year as well! My story came out of no where and new characters randomly appeared. It was amazing. We were able to do an overnight writing session at the Ashburn Library. It was awesome. By the deadline, I made it over the 50K mark. I had to stop to do Christmas crafts.
The holidays were wonderful. I had a great time with my family. Abby was able to go with us. We don't leave her much any longer since Patches passed. She went through a hard time with the loss. It broke my heart.
So that is that. I'm here spending new year's with my best gal pals, Springfield and Fayetteville, who is sick with a stomach bug we brought with us. Oops. Here is to a new year. I don't know what the future has in store. I'm not one to say “out with the old, in with the new.” That quote doesn't make sense to me. If you didn't change a thing last year, you aren't going to change this year either. Sheesh. I wish everyone enough. I wish them enough joy, enough love, enough patience, enough peace, to make them happy.
To those who want to change this year, take a look in the mirror. That is your competition. If you want to lose weight, then get up and do it. If you want to organize you house. Get up and do it. If you want to be a published author, then get up and write. You are the only obstacle that you have. To quote a song “You gotta work, bitch.”
Oh, and to the stupid bitch who told me that depression wasn't a real condition and that I was only using it as a crutch to make people feel sorry for me, here is a big fuck you, you lonely bitter person. Depression is a medical condition. Do you really think I choose to be sad? That I choose to have days where I can't even get out of bed? I can't just stop being sad. You, are a bitch. Thank you that is all.
Happy New Year everyone! I hope it is a blast!